Today is my birthday. I'm now 23, though before I thought I was 23. I always add up one year to my age, so I would act more mature (is that right..) Anyway, I see myself as 24 now.. time had really flown very very fast. I remember a quote from Gandalf in LOTR: "I've walked with men for three hundred years but now I have no time..." something like that. I have not much celebrated my birthday today. Today was the last day of our youth leadership training. I woke up still tired. I practiced last night as worship leader for Sunday. I went to ICS still sleepy, silent and edgy. I did not speak today. Something was different. Except for Kuya Sur's frequent acknowledgement of my birthday in front, which everytime made me smaller and smaller. But I appreciate his expression of acknowledgement. I'm just a terribly shy person. I met quite a number of noisy people that tested my patience today. It made me look different, unpopular and boring. Since this morning I received lots of SMS, MMS, emails greeting me a happy birthday... really appreciated they remembered. My family gave me a white gold necklace.. Brznf gave me a chime and a sea shell display.. Today at 23, I am ever been blessed with God on my side. I hope and pray that my hope for the ministry soon come to pass. But even if not, Hebrews tells us Abraham and the Old Testament people never saw their dreams fulfilled, only in a distance... to add to that, they were persecuted, tortured, sawn in half... But still they persisted and persevered. That's how I want to be.

Today I saw the movie "The Notebook" with the campus ministry students. So far the best love story I've ever seen, I was a bit teary-eyed. It was an adaptation of the novel by Nicholas Sparks who made "A Walk to Remember", also a good romance movie. After that I met my parents and went to Cartimar to get some rocks for my aquarium. After that I dropped by Campus Crusade to pick-up a gift from Ate Merla from AIYS 2004, it's my birthday on September 11. September 11, easy to remember right. I still remember where I was during 9-11 in 2001... I'm at a friend's house for an overnight. It was the thesis months and students often stay together at one of their homes to work together and help with each other's thesis plate. It was a long practiced tradition. It was my birthday and I treated my friends for house dinner at my friend's apartment. No TV or whatsoever for weeks. I learned about 9-11 when a friend called me, there was no access to TV so I had to see it for a couple days more. Scary stuff. Anyway, another year for me...

Aadi...  

My new Siamese cats.. Aadi (girl, left) and Jet (boy).. they are three months old. 

Woke up this morning very, very early. Today was the Youth Leadership Training in which I would be speaking in a subject. Last two nights I slept quite late... It was a tough preparation plus pressure. Never had some action for quite sometime so I welcome the stretch. :) It was quite a rush, I woke up only an hour early. I had to attend to my aquarium first because there was a dead fish stuck in the crevices and need to take it off. It smelled horrendous. We left and took the fastest way to ICS where Kuya Sur pastors. We arrived just in time. We registered. I was too embarassed to introduce that I was a speaker so they made a laminated nametag while there was prepared nametags for the teachers. The crowd was approximately 30. And as the hours passed and my time was getting near I felt my heart pound louder and louder. Then it was my time. Kuya Sur thought I handled it pretty well. Mimi told me I talked fast and loud (My time flew fast). I was a little scared how the crowd will receive me since we're almost the same ages and perhaps they have more experience than me. It's all good. Glad I passed the first-time rite of passge. I will still be speaking next time to continue my session. I felt really good. Touching lives and adding value to these young leaders was a great responsibility yet a privilege and honor. I'm humbled and honored teaching together with the key leaders of National Youth Department. Before going home we got a quick bite in Megamall and guess who I found there. Teresa, the Taiwanese delegate from AIYS 2004. We're both very delighted to see each other. She is here in training as the Book of Hope coordinator in Taiwan. I have this aching pain in the back. My mom for days have been telling me its my posture. Maybe its that. Maybe it's also the strain my put my joints into when I stretch. Am I getting old? :)

If you, O LORD , kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the LORD , my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD , for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. Psalm 130:3-7

Today I decided to go to Cartimar to buy more fish and corals for my salt water aquarium. It was an end-to-end journey from Monumento to Gil Puyat. I shopped a number of corals, surprisingly my only coral (elegance coral it's called) is doing very well in natural lighting (sunlight), before I used to use artificial lighting but now my aquarium is located in the terrace it receives enough light. So I bought 5 more and bought a couple of fishes. I also bought snails which eats up algae from the rocks and glass, because having natural lighting somehow speeds up the growth of algae. I went home with three full and heavy bags of water-filled plastic bags. The LRT security did not allow me to ride LRT because taking live animals in the train is prohibited... weird, I would understand if it were a dog or cat, but a harmless fish? So I took a jeepney home. It was a long journey home almost an hour.. I have been quite an avid hobbyist for salt water aquariums. I have been setting up aquariums at an early age. I started a 5-gallon fresh water aquarium. I learned of salt water aquarium during highschool and still continues until now. I really haven't analyzed what's the catch why I so painstakingly set up marine aquariums, not to mention the money I spend in this not-so-cheap hobby. I guess I love to have a peace of the sea near me, the feeling of calm and love for nature.

Still awake. It's like I still avoid sleeping because I have not yet communed with Him completely. It has been rough. But I'm trying to reach out to Him. It's hard but possible nonetheless. I always remind myself to drown myself in His presence. I am listening for that still small voice... listening hard. Where could it be? I talked with one of my youth in YM a while ago. Sometimes we feel like Superman. Like we think we know all the answers. We think we know all the solutions to all the problems. But sometimes we don't take our own prescriptions. I shared to her about Psalm 139 about how God created you and therefore knows You more than you could possibly know yourself. I told her when God makes something, it's of good quality; so when you feel like crap, remember that God made you and you are special. Then it hit me, as if it was God's still small voice reaching out to me. Then I cried. I followed that still small voice, I listened to my heart but it wasn't there. Where are you God? I called out to Him as if chanting to summon an ancient spirit. Where could he be? I looked for you in your songs. I looked for you in your words. But you were silent. As if you turned away from me. O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

Pictures from my bro's birthday... ;

Guidelines for living with a melancholeric person like me: - If you treat me as a friend, I will gladly return the favor. If you treat me only as your superior, I will treat you as a subordinate. - Don't lie to me, especially when you are bad at it. If I catch you, you destroy my trust and respect for you. - What you think about yourself is what I think about you.

I'm back... in blogging. People were already asking me why I wasn't updating my blog anymore. I told them I am busy... or rather lazy to blog. Anyway... I woke up late. Because I slept late. If my mom would not wake me up for lunch time I would have dozed off a little longer. I also missed Kuya Sur's preaching gig at Bethel Bible College. I said I was going but I failed to wake up. Right now I feel like crap. Yesterday I went to the sectional ministers meeting in Sta. Mesa. I came an hour early, because I thought the meeting was at 12 noon, but it was on 2pm. Earlier I've noticed the untimely schedule of 12 noon but didn't care to ask. So I got lunch first and went back. I am always humbled by the presence of men of God, old and older.

Youth at Jena & Jema's birthday at their house in Caloocan. 

Me, Brznf & Lawrence at Campus Ministry in McDonalds. 

Lamay

Malapit na magbukang-liwayway Ngunit hindi pa rin dalawin ng Antok Ang aking walang-kapagurang Espiritu Bawat Segundo'y lumipas gaya ng isang oras Sa katahimikan ng Gabi Mahina pa ang liwanag kumaripas na ang dilim Malapit na magbukang-liwayway Ngunit hindi pa rin dalawin ng Antok Ang aking bagsak na katawan Ang Oportunidad ay mahalaga Ngunit gayundin ang Kalakasan Halika't gawin mo na ang pagsugod Malapit na magbukang-liwayway Ngunit hindi pa rin dalawin ng Antok Ang aking isipang lumalangoy sa Kaguluhan Ang dilim ay unti nang nagtatago Sa bagong umagang dumarating Ang Gabi ay isang kasayangan + + + Dawn is at hand Still Slumber fails to conquer My tireless Spirit Seconds pass like hours In the stillness of Night Melting darkness into light Dawn is at hand Still Slumber fails to conquer My weightful tired Body Opportuny is precious But so is Strength Sleep, come now and make your kill Dawn is at hand Still Slumber fails to conquer My mind that utter Chaos Darkness slowly retreats From the new day ahead Night is wastefully spent

Campus ministry today. We were finally warned by the McDonald's management to refrain from staying or conducting carecell after we finished eating because other people have no other seat to find. Well not only our group were notified but other groups of students who are staying at McDonalds but not eating. It's midterm exams at Chiang Kai Shek College and student's flock to McDonalds to hold group studies. I don't know if we were just warned because that day there were many students who are staying there, or if the management is watching us. What added to my paranoia was some students of our group brought liquor with them. Eventhough they said it was not really vodka but a mix of chocolate & vodka or raspberry & vodka. Still it is liquor. I noticed the management were watching us. The other group brought out UNO cards that the management thought were regular deck of cards and they were gambling. We really hit bad shot big time... Pray God will give us a new place near the school to hold our cell.