Still awake. It's like I still avoid sleeping because I have not yet communed with Him completely. It has been rough. But I'm trying to reach out to Him. It's hard but possible nonetheless. I always remind myself to drown myself in His presence. I am listening for that still small voice... listening hard. Where could it be? I talked with one of my youth in YM a while ago. Sometimes we feel like Superman. Like we think we know all the answers. We think we know all the solutions to all the problems. But sometimes we don't take our own prescriptions. I shared to her about Psalm 139 about how God created you and therefore knows You more than you could possibly know yourself. I told her when God makes something, it's of good quality; so when you feel like crap, remember that God made you and you are special. Then it hit me, as if it was God's still small voice reaching out to me. Then I cried. I followed that still small voice, I listened to my heart but it wasn't there. Where are you God? I called out to Him as if chanting to summon an ancient spirit. Where could he be? I looked for you in your songs. I looked for you in your words. But you were silent. As if you turned away from me. O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.