Vindication

How long should I take this? How long must I be put to shame? You have made me a laughing stock to my self; A ridicule among the dead. You said it is not for sin that I am tested, instead You are teaching me a virtue. But what virtue must I learn that You would cause the life to be snuffed out of me; To be doused by the cold and careless waves? Oh Lord, I cannot understand why I must go through such beating. I could meddle with prostitutes, And turn away from Your harsh chastisement; Or move far away where my children cannot find me, But in this battle I am bound to lose by opposing You. It is You I fear, therefore I love; It is Your unfailing love That keeps me running back to You, Your faithfulness proving how fragile and foolish a creature I am. Fill me with Your understanding; Let me weep on Your shoulder, Somehow this agony would be eased; That when again I stretch my wings I will not fear, And on that day I will put my trust in You alone.