Happiness in Small Packages

Shallow as it is, I felt a sudden happy feeling when I bought a dirty ice cream, yes, 5 large scoops of dirty ice cream for 10 pesos only.

"Happiness is like a cat, If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it will never come. But if you pay not attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap."

- William Bennett

ATS closes its two-day forum in Union Church of Manila entitled "Naming the Unknown God, 2nd ATS Forum" Overall the sessions were great, learned a lot. I was able to listen to great theologians presenting their papers about cross-cultural missions, discipleship and witnessing to New Religious Movements (NRMs) such as Iglesia ni Cristo and Ang Dating Daan. Listening to them inspires me to write papers in the future. Hm, kuya, you might be right. Hehe. It was a great time of fellowship with my fellow ASCM schoolmates. Also the location was awesome. It was the first time I went to Union Church of Manila and I really appreciated its architecture inside and out. Closing ceremonies was also inspiring. The program was obviously conservative baptist, but I felt that even in the midst of solemnity and conservatism, God's presence was so POWERFUL in our midst. Singing hymns and listening to oriental numbers from Asian Institute of Liturgy and Music was a break from the charismatic loudness of the pentecostal. I learned to appreciate denominational liturgy. While this was taking place, outside people were rallying to oust for the Nth time our president GMA, who (arrogantly, I thought) declared herself as the best person to lead the nation. Earlier she declared a state of national emergency. A while ago in the news a newspaper office was raided by the government. Are these foreshadowing the dawn of Martial Law 2?

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; … who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

- Theodore Roosevelt

It's 22nd night of my Internet fast. I praise God that He enabled me to be faithful in committing in this discipline. I thought, it's not a difficult feat, once you set your heart on it. I'm not saying that I perfectly did it, because at certain times though refrain from plugging from the Internet, the part where I should devote myself to communion with God sometimes slips out of my discipline. This month has been a time of utter lowness in terms of personal confidence. I've been failing in relationships. I thank God that He gave me the courage to face it. I am made to face my selfishness, pride and conceit. One thing I learned that change or transformation doesn't arrive when you refrain from vehicles that lead to the failure to meet the standard of God, but it happens through an inner decision, even at the expense of committing yourself to daily renewal; an inner pact with the inner self to preserve self-respect and ultimately actively committing to a daily renewed/fresh desire to the denial of self. Lord, help me not to miss my mark. I am Your polished arrow. I thank You that I am able to commune with You, as I am, as one talking to a friend. See me through the blood of Christ. Thank You for giving me good friends. Help me to cherish and treasure them today more than yesterday. I love You, Lord.

Monday, went to work, didn't get much work done. Left early. In the evening, had discipleship training with Zarah and Teresa after which we visited Rosalie and Erik at home, they are leaving for Isabela soon. Today I'm going to attend a seminar in Makati. Also have class.

Remembering the sad songs of the seventies... Tag-Araw, Tag-ulan by Hajji Alejandro Tag-araw, sa may dagat namasyal At pagdilim sa may baybay humimlay At nagyakap sabay sa pagsabog ng alon Sabay sa paghuni ng ibon Saksi ay liwanag ng buwan Di ba sabi mo pa na wala kang iba Na ako ang una sa pagmamahal mo sinta At ang buhay nating dal'wa ay nagbunga Ng makulay na pag-ibig na dakila Nguinit bakit ngayong umuugong ang hangi't ulan? Sinlamig ng gabi ang mga halik mo Ni wala ng apoy titig mo sa akin Naglaho ba ang pagmamahal mo sinta? Hindi ko din inaasahan ang mga pangyayari At dinadamdam ko din ng husto ang pagkasawi ng ating pag-ibig Ngunit, kailangan tangapin natin na ganito ang buhay Ibig ko lang malaman mo na mahal pa rin kita At nagyakap sabay sa pagsabog ng alon... Di ba sabi mo pa na wala nang iba At sa habang buhay tayo'y magsasama Nakamtan ko ang pagmamahal mo sinta Ngunit bakit sa tag-ulan ay naglaho? Sinlamig ng gabi ang mga halik mo Ni wala ng apoy titig mo sa akin Naglaho ba ang pagmamahal mo sinta?

Psalm 25

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God, from all their troubles!

"However, the Most High does not live in houses made by men. As the prophet says: "'Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. What kind of house will you build for me? says the Lord. Or where will my resting place be? Has not my hand made all these things?'"

- Stephen (Acts 7:48-49)

Solutions without questions: Encouraging the Search for Truth

Receiving mere information does little to further a student's quest for knowledge. And the process of learning things without having a real interest in them or failing to see the relevance of what we are learning does little to make things a real part of our lives. Henri Nouwen believes that one of the 'problems of education remains that solutions are offered without the existence of a question'. Much religious education suffers from the same problem. Doctrines are taught, but they are not the response to issues with which people are struggling. Worse than that, in many religious establishments the question is not encouraged. People are given what the religious leaders think is important for them to hear. Much religious teaching is therefore wide of the mark. In the search for truth, nothing can be more encouraging than to be aware of the issues with which we are struggling and to find ourselves with friends who are not only prepared to walk with us towards the answers, but who also ask further questions of us.

- Dare to Journey by Charles Ringma

3 Things I learned from Dr. T - God is the stability of my times - The power of Power Praying (eyes open, pray loud, walk with energy) - There is a worse thing than being single: marrying the wrong person

You Gotta Be

by Desiree Listen as your day unfolds | Challenge what your future holds | Try to keep your head up to the sky | Lovers they may cause you tears | Go ahead release your fears | Stand up and be counted, don't be shamed to cry [+] You gotta be - You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser You gotta hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together. All I know, all I know Love will save the day Herald what your mother said | Read the books your father read | Try to solve the puzzle in your own sweet time | Some may have more cash than you | Others take a different view | My oh my Time asks no questions, it goes on without you | Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace | The world keeps on spinning, can't stop it if you tried to | The best part is danger staring you in the face

The LORD is exalted, for He dwells on high; He has filled Zion with justice and righteousness. And He will be the stability of your times, A wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; The fear of the LORD is his treasure.

Isaiah 33:5-6

Great day yesterday. Overall it was an eating spree. Woke up in the morning to get to chapel service. Came in as worship is almost over. Found a seat beside Mutya. The message of Dr. Tappeiner really caught the condition of my heart. It was funny that he mentions things that I can relate to. He talked about God being the stability of our times, even in times when our surrounding and even ourselves are unstable. I was really encouraged by that. Dr. T is currently undergoing serious medication right now for stopping leukemia in his body. He goes in and out of the hospital right now. I am really blessed by this person, that even in spite of this, he still actively serves and imparts knowledge to people because of his calling. Lunchtime, Mutya, Emmanuel and I went to North Park on the other side of Ayala Ave. to have lunch. We ate till we were full. The menu: Nanking beef hotpot with radish, Stirfried soft tofu with brocolli, fried rice with souffle, and century eggs and jellyfish salad. Mutya had difficulty eating the century egg because I told them how they were made. But Emmanuel just downed it, because I hadn't told him the story until we were done eating. This is how I explained the process of making century eggs: Duck eggs are boiled then buried in horse manure for some years until it rots then it becomes Century Egg. That's how I was taught too. But I just researched on century eggs and this is really how they make it.

So Nice (Summer Samba)

by Bebel Gilberto Someone to hold me tight | That would be very nice | Someone to love me right | That would be very nice | Someone to understand | Each little dream in me | Someone to take my hand | And be a team with me [+] So nice, life would be so nice | If one day I'd find someone who would take my hand and samba through life with me Someone to cling to me | Stay with me right or wrong | Someone to sing to me some little samba song | Someone to take my heart and give her heart to me | Someone who's ready to give love a start with me [+] Oh yeah, that would be so nice... I could see you and me, that would be nice

You Surround Me

by Brian Doerksen You surround me | You indwell me | You're beside me | Ever present always near | You're the whisper calling my name gently | Love eternal | Reaching to me jealous for me [+] I will stay with You forever | Arm in arm we'll walk together | You will never let me go | I can't live my life without You | My whole will to live is for You | You've awakened me to know I can't live my life without You...

Finished my day task for today. Quite proud of it. I am currently designing a student textbook for Africa called iMatter. This contains stories that tells about God, activities and helpful information about AIDS (AIDS is a big deal problem in Africa)... Lord, I pray that many young people would eventually get hold of this book and know You. Speaking of Africa, I heard our OT professor, Ma'am Marcia Anderson, is moving to Africa in one or two semesters to pursue God's calling to go there. I'm gonna miss that lady. She's made an impact in my life.

"As we grow older, we learn that even the one person that was not supposed to ever let you down will probably do. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it gets harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when your heart was broken. You will fight with your bestfriend and you will blame a new love for things an old one did. You will cry because time is passing too fast and you will eventually lose someone you love. So take so many pictures, laugh so much, take time to look up a the stars, sing loudly, feel the cold wind, smile a lot and love like you have never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend is a minute of hapiness you will never get back..."

Ah the irony of life. One minute you happy, then it turns on you. Got really a very, very depressing news yesterday. Well, the laughs are on me. I looked at God again, "Why? Why allow me to experience this pain and frustration? How does You being my "highest reward" fit in all these?" "Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right, And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong And everything blows up in your face."

- Alanis Morisette

I'm here in the library. We don't have a professor today, but he left us with a seatwork to do which I don't really wanna do because I feel it's just a ploy to keep us busy. But anyway, I have yet to tell how awesome our school retreat was. But I can't find time to do this because I can't go online in the evening because I'm still in my Internet fast, lost count of days already. In the day I'm either at work or school. But it's all good. 2nd week of fasting I'm already feeling the urges to break my commitment, but I will see myself victorious. I realize how a great deal I'm committed to this when I put it on paper. It's still hanging on my headboard. In the meantime, waiting for the photocopies for our seatwork.. Dead time. Board meeting in the evening. Valentines is getting closer, and I'm feeling awkward knowing that Valentines fall on Tuesday.

This was God's word to me during the retreat (I know God has impressed this to Kuya first, but He led me to this Scripture anyway): After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."

- Genesis 15:1

My Favorite Things #3 - Yellow Cab Pistachio Ice Cream

This is my favorite Ice Cream today. Yellow Cab Pizza's Pistachio Ice Cream. This is not like other Pistachio Ice Cream (There's BTC Pistacio Ice Cream), this has real pistachio nuts (I like pistachios very much). Costs P90 but it's a true rewarding experience! :) My Favorite Things #2 - Chronicles of Narnia My Favorite Things #1 - Demitri Martin

40-Day After-Six Internet fast - Day 3

Day 3 of my 40-Day After-Six Internet fast, so far so good. It's a good feeling. I realize it makes a LOT of difference when you commit yourself to do something and put it on paper. For me, I printed this commitment form, like a contract, and taped it on the headboard, signed by me, with spaces for three witnesses, my brother, my mom and dad. One time I woke up and my dad was reading my contract, so funny. Well, that's accountability I need. Yesterday, I went to office to finish up the Book of Hope Filipino. The project was due yesterday that we stayed there til 10PM to finish proofreading the books. Apparently the hired translator (from OMF mind you) didn't quite do a good job with the translation, which she already got away with her pay. The Filipino translation was so bad, as if you were reading the writing of a Chinese-Filipino. Today, I'm taking life as simple as I could. Thank God one subject is already done, my Personal Life Management professor had to leave early for some scheds (he's our school president Dr. CQ) so he left us with a series of instructors to teach us instead. But with requirements already done for PLM, attending the class is only needed. Monday and Tuesday, I will be going to our school retreat in Rizal, excited to rest and worship!

Everyone who reads my blog, please help me achieve this by making me accountable...

I, Patrick Tan, am committing myself to a 40-Day After-Six Internet fast. This will commence every 6PM starting tonight, February 1, 2006 and will end on March 12, 2006. The time I spend on Internet will be used for Bible reading, prayer and reading supplemental Christian literature. When this ends by the grace of God, I expect to develop a habit of minimizing usage of Internet for important purposes only; I expect to maximize my sleeping time; and develop a strict discipline of devotion and prayer.

Signed, Patrick Tan

I like the practical simplicity of this statement: "If people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them."

Reflection Paper on William Carey Video This is a reflection paper on the William Carey video our class in Leadership in Mission watched last two Tuesdays. Before seeing this video, I have hardly any idea who William Carey is. From our reading, he pioneered one of the three most influential missionary efforts in modern history. Watching this video helped me understand his life and learned a couple of lessons from his life along the way. Born in 1761 England, William Carey is today the "father of modern missions" in pioneering missions to coastal lands in India in 1792. He is a Baptist minister, and then a professor in the latter part of his life in India. Though portrayed to have two children in the video, Carey had four children and was married Dorothy. His decision to go to the east was an unpopular decision to his family. He also encountered several obstacles along the way including government and cultic hindrances. But I think the greatest challenge he faced was living with the familial apathy for his work and subduing his later insane wife. His wife died and he remarried twice after that. His active ministry yielded few converts. However, his greatest contribution to modern missions and even to Christian faith itself was his translation of the Bible into Bengali, Sanskrit and 44 other local Indian dialects which still exists until today. What struck me most is the amount of focus and dedication of William Carey had for his work. I began to question my dedication for the Lord's work. "How far will I go for God?" Carey went on to follow the voice of God in spite of opposition from his family, authorities, the people he tried to evangelized and even his own self (when he struggled on his calling). Carey had to give up a good life in England, and even the privilege to provide for his family. By this I remember the prophet Jeremiah, who also had to give up a whole lot of him (including his Jewish right to marry) to reach out to people who seemed not to care. Today I am experiencing the same challenge of obeying the Lord while obeying my parents. Though my parents are committed Christians, I feel I am letting them down and I giving up my responsibility to provide for my family by pursuing my calling and not an architectural profession. Through this video, somehow I am encouraged because no matter how bleak, the words of our Lord "will not return to [Him] empty." Therefore I pray that God will hone my vision and focus as I run toward the goal He has set before me. Reflection Paper on Hudson Taylor Video James Hudson Taylor is the founder of China Inland Missions (now Overseas Missions Fellowship or OMF) and like William Carey became one of the pillars of modern missions as the second wave of missionary efforts took Hudson to inland China. He is notably known for his extreme commitment to cultural sensitivity by wearing Chinese clothing and living their ways which was rare among missionaries at that time. Taylor video isn't that good perhaps because of acting and scriptwriting but enough to be understood Taylor's missionary work and his great contribution to modern missions. Converted at the age of 17, Hudson decided to become a missionary to China December of 1849. About this time he began to study Mandarin and also began studying medicine in 1852. His first and second mission to China (1854) was that of abrupt. His return to England allowed him to marry and equip himself respectively. His wife is named Maria. They had more children than Carey, though the video included only their first two children, Grace and Herbert. More children were born to them during his times both in England and China. Later, Maria died in the field and Taylor remarried again and had more children. Taylor began to look for volunteers prior to his third trip and with 24 volunteers, he founded China Inland Mission. Conflicts within the team hindered their success but later resolved with the death of Taylor's first child, Grace. Hudson's life, like Carey, speaks to me in terms of his dedication and persistence to finish the work God started in him. Hudson dedicated his life for a people not his own. I am challenged by Taylor's (and Carey's) initiative and commitment and would strive to do the same if given the chance - meaning, I am still in search of my missionary calling. I hear that when missionaries are called to go, God puts everything in place. This is a challenge to me, because I believe that it would also take an effort on the part of the missionary to choose to obey God. I feel that if God totally pave the way for the Christian to go to the field, it would be an easy choice for him, therefore a choice of less passion and cost. But perhaps this is not so, for God calls in various ways. I pray that when God sends me, I would be ready, my commitment tested, to answer to His call even in face of greatest adversity - a vessel yielded for His use. "O Lord, I wait for your breaking..."